Pay Your Debts

The fact that it’s taken me so long to make this post perfectly aligns with the topic I’m going to talk about.

I came up with the idea for it about two months ago. I recorded footage for it and got the rights for the background music for when I make it into a video. I took notes and wrote drafts. It’s been in the back of my head for weeks – to just sit down and do the video! – and it ended up almost being relegated to “I’ve got a cool idea for a post” fodder. The kind of thing where imagining it gave me the same satisfaction as having done it, but without the time-consuming burden of having to do the work for it. Then I just had to sit with that disappointment in not having done the thing I told myself I was going to do.

But a few days ago it hit me: I don’t have a good reason to not do this.

I told myself something that spins through my head when I find myself getting off-track and ignoring the things I value. And that thing is: PAY YOUR DEBTS.

What do I mean when I tell myself this? Let me give a super simple example like: I get up on a Saturday morning and kind of want to just sit around and watch something because it’s easy, or go run errands because it’s got a clear return on investment (I need thing – I buy thing – I am satisfied). Or worse, maybe I get a message from a friend with a link to Instagram or Threads and then I get hooked and start scrolling absentmindedly.

But there’s dishes that need to be washed. Laundry that needs laundering. Books that need reading, manuscripts that need revising and workouts that need out-working. So before I fall down the easy, internal-satisfaction rabbit holes, I ask myself: What debts do I have to pay today?

Paying debts doesn’t mean dropping everything else. It means setting priorities. And DEBTS aren’t just static unfinished tasks, but things that accrue interest if left undone. I might not want to put away the dishes, but at a certain point the drying rack is going to give out under all that weight. Not vacuuming regularly just means that when I do get around to it, it’ll be even more work. Imagining a cool workout and planning a diet isn’t going to make me meet my training goals. Until I start working out consistently, I will just slide back into un-fitness and have to work even harder to get back to baseline.

Just like not paying bills or ignoring a check engine light, by not doing the things that are important and that align with my values and the kind of person I claim to be, I become a different kind of person. Someone in debt.

It doesn’t mean never going online or never watching shows. It doesn’t drive me to anxiously seek out “more important stuff” to the detriment of my family and social well-being. It means respectfully dealing with the buildup of those debts and developing habits to address them regularly instead of being surprised every time I need an oil change, or whenever I feel disappointment in not having already become a published author.

So, back to the original point: This post became the debt I had to pay.

The interest that it built was in not actually showing up for it. If I had chosen to just be okay with not writing all this down, then I would have become that kind of person. A non-writer who has ideas but never engages in making or sharing. But having a bunch of ideas without composing something does not a writer make. Imagining cool fight scenes or talking about a story idea isn’t writing. Writers write. Paying that debt makes it happen.

I think I’d rather feel satisfaction in actually making something, even if I’m worried it won’t be perfect.

Our identities are defined by what we prioritize. When we make an effort to pay our debts when we can, however we can, we further galvanize who we are.